In Guus We Trust

Many people believe that the world revolves around soccer. However, in Melbourne and Australia, the world revolves around sports. You name it, we have someone out there wearing green and gold competing in it - even Curling (seriously, they practice using brooms and curling 'balls' with wheels on it because we got no ice). But its only recently that I realised Australia's deep seeded patriotism and love of the marsupial is purely sports related. My brother, Doctor Lyle (1), has recently come back from a six year stint in the States where he has enlightened me to the fact that as patriotic as the US is, they only care about themselves and their rights (to hold guns, not vote, and all other democratically wonderful things you would want to waste your right not to vote on). For example, they don't really get behind and support USA in the World Cup - most didn't even know they played and lost. Whereas in Australia, we use our one chant of Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie Oi Oi Oi over and over and over again for every sport that an Aussie is willing to have a crack at... especially if we are an underdog, then we really want to piss off the establishment by winning (re: 1986 America's World Cup and now 2006 World Cup). People misunderstand Australia and think we don't care about Soccer - but we do, mainly when we are winning and especially when we are beating Croatia whilst almost half our team came from Croatia (we also understand irony, unlike the yanks, which helps a lot in these situations).


What better way to win against Japan than getting three goals in the last 8 minutes of the game, right? Well, last nights game against Croatia could only end in the same way. Having to draw to go through, we go 1-0 down in two minutes and take another 36 minutes to equalise. Shortly after, Croatia are 2-1 up and we wait until the 79th minute for our new "Golden Boy" Kewell to get teh equalising goal yet again. Almost 15 minutes more of "oooers" and "aaaahs" and the whistle blows. Australia is through to the second round. STUFF HISTORY. We've never had Guus in our history, and In Guus We Trust. He might be a short fat dutch guy who just earned a coooool 500,000 euros for getting us through to the second round, but he deserves every penny. When we beat Italy, we'll double it and still be getting value for money. I'm hoping we can do it in penalty kicks and make them cry.

Melbourne and Australia is in full party mode right now. The streets are absoloute mayhem. Federation square is burning down from all the immigrant-soccer fans that are teaching us the use of flare; Cars are driving around with socceroo flags; Aussie flags are draped in most shop fronts; everyone is talking about it, and pubs are continuously having replays of Aussie Goals on the tvs. Its bloody great to be here for it. I might be sick with a fever, on top of the soccer fever, but it just gives me more time to watch the world cup from the couch or bed. Although I cant drink beer at the moment, as a true fan of the green and gold I am at the pubs drinking lemon squash with lime. Tastes like shit, but CARN THE SOCCEROOS!

I realised something after the game. All up, Australia has cheered with gusto and pride for a total of 30 minutes in three games. The rest of the time, we were biting our nails waiting for the Never Give Up attitude to kick in. The 'Aussie Spirit'. Some say that all Australians on their birth certificate have "Never Give Up" imprinted on it... I personally think that we just get cheap thrills out of winning in the last dying minutes because it makes the loss even more painful, "Oh, we were so close, but we lost to that darn Aussie Spirit!".

Stuff History, who we got next Guus?

(1) From the Frankston City Council to an English hospital, all forms of institutions and organisations are blocking innocent bludgers from my witty comments. Perhaps it might be more crass than witty, for they are confusing this blog with hard core porn involving tit fucking beastiality and 42 cambodian wrestling midgets. Easy mistake. Though I've found the loophole (at least for the English hospital). If you use words like Doctor, Surgeon, Disease, Medicine or a Disaseed Doctor Surgon with Medicine it acts as a counterballance to all the porn. So everytime I use the word porn, I need to prefix it with Doctor Porn or Diseased Tit Fucking or 12 inch big fat black rubber cock of medicine.. and then my radiologist mate will be able to view this blog! Simple! For the accountants, I will use Abacus Butt; and for the city planners, T-square pussy. Whatchyareckon?