Sweating Like A Danish Cartoonist
Sometimes, you need to whinge... especially if you are a Whingin Pom or if you are an American that voted for John Kerry and still cherish the placards that you marched with in all those war protests, or if you’re an American student overseas who likes onions.
Whilst I am none of the above.. I am going to whinge anyway. It’s hot. It’s darn hot. It’s so hot in Ampara that I haven’t stopped sweating since I arrived. I have to flip my pillow (well, Bill’s pillow) numerous times through the night because it gets wet. I think that’s why my neck is sore. And…. You can’t whinge about the heat in Ampara, because inevitably the bleeding lefty pinky socialist do-gooder humanitarian worker listening to you has worked in the deserts of sub-Saharan Africa, the middle east next to an exploding bomb, or the Caribbean. “I remember when it was fifty four degrees in the desert”, “Yeah, but I bet you weren’t a chump volunteer, and I bet you had air conditioning 24-7 in your little Oasis of a hippie town”.
The only solution to the heat is to remove oneself from reality and kick back with some Playstation. I have been playing lots of Mortal Kombat – Shaolin Monks with Mark and Jeroen (pr. Urin, he’s Dutch). So we’ve been walking around making our best martial arts sounds of “Waaataaa” and “Wayaaaa”. I’ve even borrowed Ashleigh’s joke of “What’s Jackie Chan’s favourite drink?” “Waaateeer”. We also went on some missions last night in Medal of Honour, trying to sniper one and other and take over their base. Cooooooool. So life doesn’t seem to bad, no? But remember, all along, we were sweating like the proverbial rapist.. or like a fat kid in a sweets shop.. or like a prostitute in church.. or like a formicophiliac on I'ma celebrity.. or like a peadophile in a playground.. or like a, well you get the picture. It's hot, and my balls are low and wet.
On a side, yesterday I went snorkelling with some mates in Kalmunai. It was awesome! We did three dive spots in the morning over about 4 hours, travelling in a fibre glass fishing boat. Mark hooked up the whole thing with a local outfit of divers, and he rocks for that. We stopped off at a ship-wreck, which was p.cool – my first ship wreck snorkel.. and we also stopped at some big rocks with a wee bit of coral. Managed to see some turtles, surgeons, pipe fish, clown fish, emperors, angel fish, see eals, and a sting ray having its spine ripped out by a dude on the beach to be sold for medicinal purposes. There were lots of other bright and funky fish, but my fishing vocab is limited. All in all, a great weekend! [Photos pending]
It seems I have finished whinging and am now appreciating the beauty of Sri Lanka and modern Japanese electronic firms such as Sony (1). Its been a lil while since I was last in Ampara.. at which point the rice harvest was well under way, and everyone was burning their paddy fields. Usually, these aren’t the sort of photos on Sri Lanka tourist sites, and for good reason. But now, only four weeks later, the seeds have been sown and the paddy fields are a magnificent green for as far as the eye can see. Makes you think, doesn’t it. [Photos pending]
Whinge out.
(1) Sony’s almost as bad as apple, because they make their systems completetly incompatible. Long live the i-River. Long live the i-Generation. Check out smashmyIpod, Anti-iPod, or here and here and here or here for why Apple i-Pods suck. You can’t click anywhere to know why i-Rivers rock, so just trust me on that one and the sunscreen.
Whilst I am none of the above.. I am going to whinge anyway. It’s hot. It’s darn hot. It’s so hot in Ampara that I haven’t stopped sweating since I arrived. I have to flip my pillow (well, Bill’s pillow) numerous times through the night because it gets wet. I think that’s why my neck is sore. And…. You can’t whinge about the heat in Ampara, because inevitably the bleeding lefty pinky socialist do-gooder humanitarian worker listening to you has worked in the deserts of sub-Saharan Africa, the middle east next to an exploding bomb, or the Caribbean. “I remember when it was fifty four degrees in the desert”, “Yeah, but I bet you weren’t a chump volunteer, and I bet you had air conditioning 24-7 in your little Oasis of a hippie town”.
The only solution to the heat is to remove oneself from reality and kick back with some Playstation. I have been playing lots of Mortal Kombat – Shaolin Monks with Mark and Jeroen (pr. Urin, he’s Dutch). So we’ve been walking around making our best martial arts sounds of “Waaataaa” and “Wayaaaa”. I’ve even borrowed Ashleigh’s joke of “What’s Jackie Chan’s favourite drink?” “Waaateeer”. We also went on some missions last night in Medal of Honour, trying to sniper one and other and take over their base. Cooooooool. So life doesn’t seem to bad, no? But remember, all along, we were sweating like the proverbial rapist.. or like a fat kid in a sweets shop.. or like a prostitute in church.. or like a formicophiliac on I'ma celebrity.. or like a peadophile in a playground.. or like a, well you get the picture. It's hot, and my balls are low and wet.
On a side, yesterday I went snorkelling with some mates in Kalmunai. It was awesome! We did three dive spots in the morning over about 4 hours, travelling in a fibre glass fishing boat. Mark hooked up the whole thing with a local outfit of divers, and he rocks for that. We stopped off at a ship-wreck, which was p.cool – my first ship wreck snorkel.. and we also stopped at some big rocks with a wee bit of coral. Managed to see some turtles, surgeons, pipe fish, clown fish, emperors, angel fish, see eals, and a sting ray having its spine ripped out by a dude on the beach to be sold for medicinal purposes. There were lots of other bright and funky fish, but my fishing vocab is limited. All in all, a great weekend! [Photos pending]
It seems I have finished whinging and am now appreciating the beauty of Sri Lanka and modern Japanese electronic firms such as Sony (1). Its been a lil while since I was last in Ampara.. at which point the rice harvest was well under way, and everyone was burning their paddy fields. Usually, these aren’t the sort of photos on Sri Lanka tourist sites, and for good reason. But now, only four weeks later, the seeds have been sown and the paddy fields are a magnificent green for as far as the eye can see. Makes you think, doesn’t it. [Photos pending]
Whinge out.
(1) Sony’s almost as bad as apple, because they make their systems completetly incompatible. Long live the i-River. Long live the i-Generation. Check out smashmyIpod, Anti-iPod, or here and here and here or here for why Apple i-Pods suck. You can’t click anywhere to know why i-Rivers rock, so just trust me on that one and the sunscreen.
posted by Byron&Emma at 5:56 PM
4 Comments:
Not sure I like you sweating on my pillow.... hopefully there is a man at my house now fixing the AC.
You saw surgeons whilst snorkling? Were they operating or what?
I like sweating, it makes me feel rotten and unhappy, and takes my mind of being overwhelmed in other areas.
I thought I saw sturgeons, but Mark and the dude at the dive shop where they collect spcies for aquariums assured me they were surgeons. As someone who has only even eaten fish, not admired them for their natural non-tasty beauty, who was I to argue? Besides.. I only have a book of Sri Lanka's Birdlife and a book of Sri Lanka's reptiles.. no book of fishies. 8)
So sometimes I get carried away and use big words that other people don't understand. It's a rarity these days, as Sri Lanka has stolen my vocabulary and because I believe books are only good for keeping you warm in winter. But, because one of my stolen "jokes" (doubtful in Emma's mind that it could be classified as such) is so funny, I thought I ought to explain it for people who can't be bothered googling dictionary.com (or my personal favourite, urban dictionary.com)
Formicophilia: to experience a state of sexual arousal by having small insects crawl over one's own genitals or the genitals of another.
Continuing the conversations with Bill and Mark and other dubious shady characters of Ampara; formicophilia is completely different to shrimping, but can be used in the same vein as those who enjoy having gerbils tied with cotton released up their anus and scratch at their prostate. Not for everyone, but hey, got to give an A++ for creativity and dare deviled-ness.
Ohh Byron.
How I miss u.
Not as much as I miss Emma of course..
haha
hmm yeah true.
Post a Comment
<< Home